Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
