Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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