i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
