The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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