i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
