We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
