we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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