So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
