I want to stick my p in your. b.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
