I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do herpes really smell.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
