I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
