Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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