Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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