you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize