six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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