Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My vagina just recognized that song.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
