what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
