you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
