as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Less talking, more tequila
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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