He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize