I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
