Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have aggressive nipples.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
