how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize