How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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