I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
