Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
