Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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