I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
