I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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