apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
