She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
