I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have fence marks all over my body
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
