Don't you send me to vm
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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