I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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