It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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