You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
