Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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