her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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