I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
