ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
