The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
