i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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