My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
