i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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