I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
