I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
