if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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