he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize