Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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