the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
