just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am available for nakedness
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize