True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
