There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
