Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
