i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
