honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
