so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
