Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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