omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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