Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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