i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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