Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
