One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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