Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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