remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize