Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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