Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
