i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
