i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
