oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
