so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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