look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
