dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
