the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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