Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
