oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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