You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
