I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
